Fear

Where does it go from here?



The things I never say are the ones that I want to tell you the most.



Like how I teared up during a lecture on respiratory diseases. How much I don't want the inevitable to happen. How much I want to get to know you. And how much time is there left if you don't quit smoking.



Or how you have no idea that you teach me so much. And that I look to you more than you realize.



Or how sorry I am to avoid conversations, from all the unresolved issues. Issue, actually.
Because I love you too much as a friend. I know that's what you would say.

Drive slow

till we run out of road.


Setting my clock 20 minutes faster used to be my way of being punctual. Until I realize the flaw of it all. I always knew I still had 20 minutes.
Fail much.


I woke up feeling mellow today, wanting nothing but pancakes and a golden retriever. Yeah, a puppy would be awesome right now.
Or maybe just someone to eat french toast with.



It is days like these that I wish I could throw it all away (whatever it is that I have, not much.) go to a pretty beach and build a house out of drift wood. Lay in the sand. Shit in the sea.



I should remove my ovaries. Or anything that makes me feel like a woman.