10 Things I want to do before I die (for now)

1. Go diving in the prettiest coral reefs and not die like how Steve Irwin did.

2. Feed a bottle of milk to a tiger cub.

3. Have shitloads of money.

4. Punch someone in the face (or any physical assault that gives equal gratification).

5. Learn a new language.

6. Spend the aforementioned shitloads of money on my family and good shoes.

7. Cook delicious food so that my future husband won't leave me.

8. Join the Amazing Race with my brother.

9. Eat deep dish pizza in San Francisco.

10. Spend a day with Bear Grylls. Just one day.

If that's what it takes

then go ahead.

No I didn't become famous and forgot about you. I just slept through August.

So I tried a few new things lately. Allow me to brag about it.

My friends and I ate baguettes for a week. That's gotta be some district level record.

I finally got around to try painting acrylic on canvas. My first artwork is sitting somewhere where the number of viewers have reached a staggering number of 2.

Then there's the henna drawing. Sold my skills for RM3 a piece during the Mid Autumn Festival and people were willing to give me money. I just hope they do not suffer from G6PD deficiency.

Also this chicken hates his job.

I am a hoarder

for all the right reasons.

So I was going through some of my old stuff that were still in boxes when I moved to Sarawak. I told myself that I needed to get rid of some things, you know, de-clutter the house.

My buku catatan pengawas from when I was in form 2. Sorry Alan Chai I think I got you punished or something.

Saya hendak jadi saintis bila saya besar. Haha what was that.

This was my very first trophy. Won it when I was 7 I think, during a fashion show competition. Mum's idea. I was smokin in that Kiko dress and purple make up.

My kemahiran hidup project. The boys got to do some cool looking book racks, and all we got to do was a box.

Dirty notes from friends.

Basically, all I ended up doing was raid through every box and put everything back where they came from.

Well hello.

I'm back home now, to be the full time daughter and sister. My parents feed me so much I think we just made up a whole new meal that is in between breakfast and brunch, or something in between dinner and supper. My brother Justin is back too, so I no longer need the internet.

Before this I made a trip to Tawau. Things have changed ever since we moved, but the good food still remains. God bless Hing Lee sang nyuk mian.

And before this, I was sitting for my year 3 finals. I must say it wasn't the most dreadful exam I've had, but for some reason it got me to a point where I can now fit into pants that I wore when I was 15. I'm now 22 (not 25).

So back to the subject of the giant desert centipede, it has about 40 pairs of legs, the previous pair shorter than the one after to prevent it from falling. They also have a black coloured head and tail as part of their defense mechanism to confuse their predators. Cool eh?

Finals next week

and I'm sick. Can't you tell?

Here are the many interesting things that happen when I'm sick.

1. A study break becomes a break.

2. I get to watch the colour of my nasal discharge turn the full yellow spectrum.

3. Sent a throat lozenge flying out of my mouth when I sneezed and never found it again.

4. Eat really bland food when you're in the middle of a pms and all you want is to be useless and dramatic and fat. When you're sick you're just useless.

My Medicine lecture notes says untreated common cold lasts for 7 days, if treated it just lasts one week. If everybody knew this then doctors would be out of business. Then again, I don't think that statement is entirely correct.

Tell me something you know to be true.

This is a popsicle. Yup so now kids can lie to their mums that they've eaten their fruits. I guess this is the new marketing strategy to make ice confectionery more appealing. Never buying it again.

The telly was a really big distraction at ke ke and dao zhuo's housewarming. Ever since I started living in a hostel, I've only watched 30 days worth of tv in a year. So we were all glued to it for 2 hours, nevermind that the show was a really outdated movie about a witch that spits snakes. This new tv that my dad got back home, yeah still can't operate the remote.

This, I can't even talk about. Congratulations Timmy the aeronautical engineer!

I recently issued my first partial denture. Felt good to give someone a better smile(though i personally felt she had a better smile without teeth). Felt even better when she was happy to wear it.

This gold medal is mine. 22 years of not knowing how a basketball looks like and I made the faculty team. Nevermind that I only played a little, I took it very seriously. I pissed off an IMU girl with my god-like blocking skills.

Inflammed, or already in flames?

To break the monotony of the day I'd go jog a little, only to walk around in circles around the track. Listening to the same songs I've had in my ipod for the past 6 months. But quite frankly that's not how just today went, it feels like I've been at this for as long as I can remember.

Where do I go now?

I have too big an ego to admit that I am just as selfish as I portray others to be. I could never be the bigger person although I tell you I'm okay with it. And even if I wasn't you'd think I'd be. Because I made you believe that this time, it'll be different. Together, we'd be different.

Somebody warned me that I'd regret. I don't. Because if I did I wouldn't miss you. Not in this ridiculous amount, not this painful.

But right now, I am just angry. Angry that I continue to hurt you even when there's nothing wrong to begin with. Enraged because I didn't learn from my mistakes.

But right now, more than anything else in the world, I'd want you to tell me it'll be okay.

Sometimes i wonder if you know.

In movies, when the scar faced somebody calls the father to ask a ransom for his hot daughter, they'd call and just say where and when to meet. They also say it really fast because they wouldn't want the FBI to trace them.

And normally this place is just somewhere really obvious. An abandoned warehouse. Or the 2nd dustbin opposite the public toilet across the building with a door near the sea. Give it to the penguin.

It's never really just: put the money at the Ramli burger stall. That would be a little difficult to comprehend.

That's just about as off putting as when you've watched 541 episodes of cantonese drama that leads to the ultimate scene where the father of the child is finally revealed. Thanks to bad timing the subtitle appears first and you get to find out even before the child in the scene knows.

Just among the many worldly issues that matter to me.

Hello marshmallow

It occurred to me that people can roughly deduce your state of origin by judging on what plastic bags you have. And I...have watched way too much of The Big Bang Theory for my own good.

For example, if you carry a Pacific Ngiu Kee plastic bag you are from east Malaysia. An Ikea shopping bag suggests that you were in KL. And a Kedai Runcit Al Amin plastic bag tells us you shop in Beaufort. Like who doesn't know that right?

Then again, I remember buying vegetables in Kundasang( a very small town at the foot of Mount Kinabalu) and they put my vegetables in a Walmart bag.

***

So now that I'm 22, I will look closer to my... perceived age? (Rather than my actual age). Saves the embarrassment of strangers who think I'm 25 when I am actually just a 3rd year dental student.

Damn I need a boob job.

Nevertheless, I had a great birthday. There was cake, cards, presents and a custom made wallpaper.

And dinner at this beautiful place. I haven't taken a picture of you in a long time =)

let love last.

So I've watched Rebecca Black and hey, she's good to bring up during awkward silences on a date. Talking about the weather is so 2000 and late. Get with the programme!

And so you think after watching RB, Justin Bieber is much better. I can't wait for his movie(though I might have to watch it alone=.=) Andy says it's in 3D, so his hair flip must be to die for. Never say never to anything, not even drugs!

Sujin and I spent 3 hours cleaning up the living room and pantry, and all I have to say is that women, or maybe just us, are hoarders. Because every broken plastic container has feelings. Aww. We threw half the stuff out and recycled them for 6 bucks. That's just cold, i know.

***

Going to the SPCA again was therapeutic. The dogs that I saw from my last visit weren't there anymore, they went home.

This golden Cocker Spaniel is 6 years old and his previous owner passed away. It's really a shame I couldn't adopt him. So I gave it a hug instead.

Geez lighten up already.

This is a prairie dog. It isn't actually a dog, it just barks like one. My life is now complete because I've seen an actual one, in a pet store in Penang. I was pretty star struck because it's not often you get to see something on tv in real life. Like Lee Chong Wei or Amy Search.

Jeannette just compared a rodent to the world's number one badminton player.

So there I was, looking through the glass chamber going, WOAH! PRAIRIE DOG!

***

It's irritating how easily bothered I get when things go wrong. It's also irritating that everything matters to me.

Life might be easier if I take everything easy, but I guess, it might not be as meaningful.

So thank you, for not giving up on me. I love you for that.

Currently feeling...

blue and tangled.

Maybe I do deserve better.

I have hit an unprecedented new low.

I no longer have an opinion. Or at least one that matters to people.

I keep apologizing and keep getting apologies it's starting to look like Beauty and The Beast II. Makes me think that all I do is a huge mistake.

So is that movie.

We pick up right where we left off

like we never missed a thing.

That's not true now, isn't it?

Every now and then people give me reason to doubt myself. I'd brush it off if I could, but somehow I choose to believe that there's some truth to it. Maybe deep down, I want to believe.

That's when they win, when they unconsciously manage to bring me down.

And that's when I lose, the faith in people that never did disappoint.

All because I choose to remember what hurts the most.